Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Well today I finally found my get up and go before it got up and left me in the dust. Last night I crashed around 8:30 - had a headache so opted to head to bed. Tried to call Aymn - he had asked me to call him around 10 to know if he was coming back - did try to call him before I crashed and got a message in Arabic - woke up around 11 and called again - same message - just after 1 a.m. I woke up yet again and called him - and actually got him. He had just turned his phone on - he has a new phone - ARGH - and he had forgotten the pin number or some such thing - so had to go to a cybernet and get online to find out what it was - now please can someone tell me why he spends so much money on a phone that he cannot even operate without getting online - he had been unable to use the phone for quite awhile - from at least 8 - 1 a.m. - I just do not get it. I found out about his purchase of the cell phone from my nephew Mahmoud - when I congratulated Aymn on it he wanted to know who told me - my response was, "Well it wasn't you." To which he responded, "I wanted to surprise you." Yeah right - he knows I was against his spending that kind of money on a cell phone - there is always money for his new toys and for toys for his kids - each of his kids have really nice cell phones - and at last count he had purchased 3 phones for Amel - while he has not purchased even one for me. The cell phone I have I had to purchase myself because he did not have the money to buy one for me - and it is like my car - no bells and whistles - does not have a camera, cannot download music on to it, no GPS locator in it - all it does is make phone calls and receive them - oh yes it does also receive and send messages. I still do not have dining room furniture - deal was when I bought the apartment he would pay for half the furniture - yeah right - then he changed it to he would buy the dining room suite - hmmmm - so far nothing. And of course I am not going to buy a dining room suite - last I heard he wanted to pick it out and pay for it - he knows what I like - no way - even Suzanne was aghast that he would pick out the furniture - that is the woman's job - to pick it out and then it is up to the man to pay for it. Just seems to me that things are very lopsided - there is always money for his family - his eldest son goes to private school, there is money to pay for private tutoring for the kids, he always buys the kids clothes and shoes, etc. when he is in Libya, he paid for the trip to Hajj, but yet there is never any money for things I would like. Must remember my mantra - cannot change him can just change how I react. But it is very galling that he never contributes one red piestra to my trips back to Canada - and he can afford to - but he does not see that that is his obligation. Only thing I get is money for groceries. Guess I should be thankful that at least I get that.

I manged to get out of bed around 7:00 - had been dozing on and off for a bit - had a shower, made my bed, hung up my clothes, started laundry, dust mopped the floors, had breakfast, did dishes - then washed the kitchen floor. I even washed the hooked rug that I have on the floor on my side of the bed - my grandmother made it for me a very long time ago - likely about 38 years ago. It is now hanging up on the line. Today is a great day for laundry - sunny with just enough of a breeze to dry things quickly. I was even a very good girl and I watered the garden. Last week I planted some seeds and it looks as if something is growing - hoping it is not weeds.

Friday I spent the day with the family at my mil's place. Unfortunately, Aymn's kids were in attendance and they were very resolute in their stand to ignore me. When they came in they did not acknowledge my presence. When I went to leave Mom and Mawada, Little Mohammed and Islam (Aymn's youngest) were in the bedroom, and I went to say good bye to mom and the kids. Islam was laying down on the bed - after I kissed Mom good bye and went to say good bye to the kids Islam rolled over so his back was to me - such a rude and ignorant child - but then all of Aymn's kids are the same - such a surprise - not - despite Aymn telling me time and time again that they do not hate me - yeah - tell me another one. Amal has done a good job on them. Such is life. I try really hard not to let it get to me - but sometimes it is really hard not to let them get under my skin.

Saturday saw Sharon and I at Fathalla - wanted to get a key cut for the car - but they wanted 9.5 LE for the key and then 9.5 LE to cut it - they are nuts - will ask Mahmoud to go out and get one cut for me - was told there is a shop in the neighbourhood - so will see if he can get another key cut for the car.

Yesterday was Club - AWA - had an enjoyable time - must admit taking the car is sometimes a drag because it is tough to find parking sometimes - last week was a breeze - this week took me about 20 minutes of driving around and around to find a spot - and then had the fun of parallel parking in a very small space - some guy finally took pity on me and directed me - took no time at all then. Really do need to bone up on parallel parking - not one of my strong suits - never had to do a lot of it.

Do not have a lot planned for this week - no idea when Aymn will be returning - he is waiting for a truck to come back with - he figures he will be heading out tonight - I am not holding my breath as I would pass out from lack of oxygen and then hit my head on the floor when I went down - sounds quite painful so I will just pass. His travel plans are very elastic - when he left 10 days ago he was only going to be gone for 3 or 4 days.

15 comments:

Cairogal said...

I think there are likely a lot of things going on with the kids. The embarassment of their father taking another wife (when it may be unacceptable or unusual in their social circle) could be one reason for such behaviour. I think about Safa's blog, and what she writes about her own kids. Obviously, you can't make a clean comparison, because Safa's kids are forever without their father, but even if Amal wasn't saying anything (which is unlikely) they can see how she's affected. It would seem that taking another wife usually feels like betrayal to mother and child, and in your case, the kids and mother are working the guilt. Ayman seems to be obliging, too. Probably feeling guilty. You can't change any of this, which you've said. You can decide what you'll accept and what you won't. Good luck :))

PM said...

Y'Allah! This is my life. It's uncanny. Do you bring up the financial issue and the unfairness to him? Does he at least acknowledge that he is in the wrong and have a plan for improvement?

If you can live happily in this situation then you are a better woman than I am ;-)

egianqueen said...

PM - I have tried to bring up the financial issue and the unfairness but he just does not 'get' it - he does not see that he is being unfair - when we first married he could not afford to pay for much - and just because his circumstances have improved he does not seem to realize that maybe he should be more responsible - he just spends more on his kids trying to 'bribe' them to love him - big guilt going on here. Right now I am not sure I can live 'happily' in this situation - hence the struggle - but I have given myself a year to get happy and then I will see what changes need to be made - if any.

Cairogal said...

"...he just does not 'get' it"
Does he not get it, Egian, or he is pretending he doesn't get it?

PM said...

My thoughts exeactly, CG! When it comes to these men in polygyny who marry (usually) Westerners and then don't support them, I want to offer the words of Fergie:

If You Don't Got No Money Drag Your Broke Ass Home!

Eva..."The Evolutionary" said...

I want to scream everytime you post abt your financial situation! (Notice I still read everything you write--haha!) Egyptian men--far too many of them--are notorious slackers, users and love to play "stupid". I am sure he "gets it", he's just "ignoring it". I think he's got an easy life with you, not to mention a free ride. Anyway, I pray to God everything is in your name! Cuz in Egypt he can take whatever he wants from you if it's not--if one day you decide you dont want to live like this anymore. As far as the kids are concerned, I went through a similar thing after being very close to my hubby's kids, especially his two college age girls. They now ignore me completely--which brings me to my advice--why, rather than trying to say goodbye to them, dont you just ignore them? Dont look at them speak to them--just pretend they arent even there. I think you've put up with enough. My personal feeling is it's now about my dignity--and I wouldnt let some ill-manered little brats turn their backs on me. In fact, I told hubby if we do go back to Egypt as we plan, I dont even want to hear about them, yet alone see them--once burned is enough.

Cairogal said...

Ah, yes...the great orator, "Fergie" as in "Fergielicious".

Cairogal said...

I understand Eva's point on dignity, but how old are these kids, Egian? Sounds like Ayman needs to be the one to lay down the law and say, "You must show my wife respect as you show me." I think, if nothing more, it is his responsbility to ensure civility from the family. After all, he's brought you into their mix.

Safa said...

The unfairness issue is just so over rated. You could discuss it till you turn blue in the face.....

ABout the parallel parking....ya, u sure have to be good at that in Egypt. I'm still working on it....

Cairogal said...

E: made the boiled raisin cookies last night (added some butterscotch chips to a couple dozen). My husband said: The best cookies ever. Thanks for the recipe!

egianqueen said...

Cairogal - the kids are 17, 15 and 10. I called him on their disrespect and his comment was that Islam is just a baby - to which I responded BS - he is 10 years old - definitely not a baby. Then he tried to turn the table and asked me what I would do if Miles (my son) were disrespectul to him (Aymn) - told him if my son were disrespectful he would be a few feet shorter because I would kick his a$$ up to his earholes - and whether Miles likes Aymn or not is a moot point - I would insist that Miles treat Aymn with respect because he is my husband - bottom line.

egianqueen said...

C- glad you and yours enjoyed the cookies.

Anonymous said...

sister you sound too easy on ur husband and too hard on his kids.

In his kids' eyes, you are the other woman!! why should they respect you when their own father does not. By marrying you he has to do things that he has not done...and they are mostly out of responsibility and not love alone.

Also, what you say about your son concerns me. If a child is not respectful it doesn't mean they need to get their "ass" kicked, it means their are things that need to get looked at.

egianqueen said...

Anonymous - my son was raised by a very strict western mom - MOI - and he was taught to be respectful to all adults - and he is 25 years old - so I would certainly 'expect' him to be respectful to my husband - I know he would not be best buddies has he has issues regarding my choices. That is just the way I was raised and the way I raised my son.

Cairogal said...

I think it's the 'proverbial' kick in the ass, Anon.