Monday, July 23, 2007

Woo hoo - I finally got a few more pics uploaded. The above picture is of Maurine and Maureen. Gotta love it. She is my favourite cousin - we are very much like sisters. We get along really well - she knows me so well. She knows how I am doing before I have to tell her. She is a wonderful, kind, caring spirit. I am truly blessed to have her in my life. Watch out - double trouble. We have such a blast together - never a dull moment.

Another picture of the wonderful scenery - the Rocky Mountains - love that snow.

This is a picture of the bouquet of flowers that Mawada (my youngest niece) got for me when I returned to Egypt. She is such a sweet young lady. A heart of gold and a spirit from God. She is a very tender and empathetic young lady - she is all of 10 years old.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Well all I managed to get uploaded was this one picture - taken in Banff, AB. Spent the day there with Maurine (my favourite cuzzy) on June 19, 2007. From Calgary you can see the mountains. From my house I could see the mountains from the deck off my bedroom - I do miss them - the mountains that is. Miss the peace of being in such an awesome setting.
Will continue to work on getting more pics uploaded - but am going to go to bed now.
Here is a picture of my son and daughter in law (Miles and Shani) at the temple in Cardston, AB, after their sealing. My heart aches wishing I could have been there for him. I feel very badly that I was unable to be there to support him. I am very grateful to my dear friend Mavis, who went in my stead - so that at least he had someone there.

I think that because I was able to upload this picture I will have to download the pics from my camera to the computer to get them uploaded. Not that I like downloading my pics to the computer - as they are constantly lost. But this time I swear I will copy them onto a CD. Guess I need to get busy.
ARGH - well I tried to upload pics again and met with no success. I HATE computers sometimes. I have no idea what is wrong - but it is driving me crazy - or as my dear sweet father would say - that is but a short putt. So on that note I will give up with pics at the moment and report on the last few days.

Unfortunately the last 3 days have not been good ones. I phoned my son Friday morning - my time - it was Thursday evening for him - wanted to let him know that I wished I was there with them and felt very badly that I was going to miss the sealing at the temple. He asked me if I was angry -told him no - just very disappointed. Did not talk long - ran out of money and composure. Needless to say the rest of Friday was a lost cause - I spent most of the day crying and feeling sorry for myself. Really hit me that because of the choice I made to marry Aymn I am cut out of so much of my son's life. Even if I had been in Canada I would not have been able to go into the temple to witness the sealing - as I was excommunicated from the Church when I married Aymn. It is doubly hard because for 19 years it was Miles and I against the world - he was all I had and I was all he had. Must admit being told that it is no big deal - after all he is 25 and married does not help me at all - just makes me angrier at the lack of comprehension that is there in regards to what this 'marriage' has cost me. Of course Aymn was nowhere to be found - he was safely ensconced in Libya - away from all the upheaval. I am very fortunate that a good friend of mine was able to be there in my place - I got an email from her today - she said that Miles indicated that it was very hard not having me there - he hugged her - she said that for the day she was me - so I got a wonderful hug from him. I so wish I had been there for him - another instance of my having failed him - she took pictures of them outside the temple after the sealing - bittersweet photos - I SHOULD have been in them - but I was not there. I truly wish Miles had told me what was going on when I was in Canada - and/or had let me know sooner that they were going to the temple - because if I had had enough time I would certainly have tried to make it - even though I have not yet fully recovered from the last trip - must admit the more often I make that trip the longer it takes me to really bounce back. I think I am back to normal - but I am really not. Do not think that it is jet lag - I think it is more along the lines of trying to adjust to wanting to be in two places at the same time. Every time I go back it is harder to come back here. Part of that is because - slowly but surely - fences are being mended. Needless to say there were a lot of broken fences when I married Aymn - Miles was furious - and he had every right to be. This last trip was the best so far - even managed to get a few hugs out of him. That is one of the things I miss most about him - prior to leaving on his mission - he served his mission in Texas Houston East area for two years - he was a very huggy young man. When he came back he came back to a mom who was going down a very different path than either of us expected and there were no hugs. It has taken four years to get to the point that when asked he will hug me. I tend to be a very touchy feely type of person - and I miss the physical contact of people on a daily basis. Saturday was a very long day - they (Miles and Shani) were constantly in my thoughts - when it was time for them to go through at 9:30 a.m. I was wishing I was with them - and then at 11:30 a.m. when they were to be sealed I was again wishing I was with them. Those times are all their times. I felt very empty and alone. Sharon came over for a visit - trying to cheer me up and keep me occupied - and I appreciate her effort - but ... And then I get the pics my friend so kindly sent me - and there are a couple of pics of her with Miles and Shani and a wave of regret passes over me - THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME. What in sam hill have I done?????? I think Aymn had best steer clear of me for a bit until I get my bearings again. I do believe Satan is winning the battle right now.

Today we (Sharon and I) had another Arabic lesson - we have them five days a week - two hours a day - it is coming very slowly. I do have a problem getting my mouth wrapped around a few of the the sounds. One of the sounds I really struggle with is the kh combo - sounds like a cat with a fur ball. But I am slowly but surely picking up a few things.

After the lesson we took off - gave our teacher a ride to her home - or pretty close - and then we went back to the Suzanne Mubarak Health Centre to get the results of our blood work. Would appear that my LDL is a little elevated - not sure how accurate the results were - do not have much faith in that place. But at least I have a 'benchmark'. Must work at eating better - needless to say I do not do well when I am stressed and of course the heat just makes things even worse. After getting the results - on the way home - we swung by the post office. Got July's Reader's Digest and Cooking for Two magazine. I need to pay for the rental soon - am hoping that Aymn will be home in time to do that - not sure I am up to trying to do that on my own. It is a real rigamarole - I am so surprised. And my Arabic is not where it needs to be to get that done.

Anyhow that is it for my last few days. Am hoping that things will start going better, soon. I am very weary of this roller coaster.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Well here goes - just read the last entry so I have an idea of what I need to report on. Must admit that not having a computer for two weeks certainly does affect my ability to keep up to date on things. Once I finally got my computer back - all fixed - well still needs a bit of tweeking as they 'forgot' and left the download boxes in Arabic - and for some strange reason I cannot read them. So have to take the computer back so they can download the proper program -but for some reason I am not in a really big rush - it is much to hot to be carting around the computer - so it will wait for a bit - anyway I had 378 emails to wade through.

The biggest news is that my son and his wife are going to the temple on July 21 to be sealed for time and all eternity. I WANT TO GO HOME - but I really cannot afford it and besides he did not give me enough time to get my act together. I would love to be there - even though I am not able to go into the temple to witness the proceeding - I could still be there to help celebrate. But I got busy and asked two friends if they could go in my place - one of my friends is unable to go because it is her daughter's wedding reception on that day - like really - get your priorities straight - just kidding - and my other friend who lives in the town where my parents live emailed me to say that she would be honoured to attend in my place - so at least Miles will not be completely alone - and I will have a mole who will let me know what takes place and what is said - as I know I cannot rely on Miles to tell me anything - although I have threatened Shani that if she does not give me all the 'dirt' I would come back and live with them for an extended period of time - only drawback is that she would have no problem with my presence - it is my son who does not like to have anyone taking up his space - so it would not be much of a punishment for Shani - but I am hopeful that she will send me a nice long email with all the details and some pics would be nice. I have yet to see any pics of their 'first' wedding - so am looking forward to being able to see something.

My parents are coming in October - dad emailed letting me know when he could get dates that were good for them - wish they could stay longer - but will be arriving Oct. 18 and departing Nov. 19 - they do not want to be travelling over the Thanksgiving weekend in the States - such an attitude. But at least they will be here for Dad's b'day - Aymn has promised Dad a fish meal at Ballba - so I think that has a lot to do with the timing - lol.

July 5 saw me on a bus heading to Suez with Margaret. Her husband, Mustafa, is working in Sokhna at the port - and the company has put him up at the Ramada in a two bedroom suite on the Red Sea - so I traveled with Margaret to spend the weekend - what a treat. Man I would love to spend more time there. The suite was nice - nothing really fancy - but has a kitchen in it - as well as a dining area, living room, balcony that looks over the pool, two bedrooms and two bathrooms - only drawback was that the water was pretty much non-existent - got fixed just before we left - they needed to change a filter and then voila there was lots of water - but we were heading back by that time - ah well. The room was about a 3 minute walk from the beach - the water was wonderful - tad warm for my taste - sorry I like to be refreshed when I get in the water and tepid water just does not do the trick - but the water was so clear and calm - it was fantastic. The beach was a bit rocky - I was very glad that I had found my beach shoes - made things much easier on my feet. Saturday afternoon - around 1 - Margaret and I were in the water and we saw three dolphins cavorting around - what a sight - I was thrilled - I have never seen them in the wild. They were not doing a lot - just swimming along - but I was still tickled pink. Friday night there was a show put on for the guests - it was very interesting - it was local dancers and the final act was the 'whirling dervishes' - absolutely amazing. The two male dancers spun around and around for about 30 minutes - doing various 'tricks' - what a sight - wish I had had a good cam corder - but my camera just did not do it - not enough light - and the movement was too fast - but the show was really great to see. Must admit the bus ride was anything but comfortable - but hey the end result was great. Aymn was at the 'bus depot' in Alex to pick me up - he had arrived back from Libya early Friday morning and I arrived back on Saturday night. He was a bit 'chuffed' that I had travelled and was not waiting for him at home - he best get used to it.

I have not yet been back out to Suzanne's - Aymn has requested that I not travel by myself - so of course I will - but can really only do that when he is out of the country. Right now Suzanne and kids are here in Alex - both boys have been quite ill with a gi infection - throwing up and diarrhea - and of course she is going to give them broad spectrum antibiotics - I just do not get this dependence on antibiotics - every sniffle or anything means you take them. God help them if they ever really need antibiotics - they are going to be hooped.

Aymn is in Libya again - such a surprise.

July 11 was our 4 year anniversary - he was with his family - god forbid that he should change their time - so he arrived at 10:30 p.m. or so - and we had 'company'. His friend Ridda was here painting the windows. Yes, I do have windows - but what a lot of angst. Aymn is positive the guy upped the price because I am a foreigner - and after some research it does look as if he got a bit greedy - but suck it up - you agreed to the price so pay it up and have done with it - that is the price you pay for never having time to do these things yourself. Anyway - back to Wednesday - the carpenter came over as well and there was a big fight - I went to bed and dozed off. Around 1:00 a.m. Aymn finally came to bed. Thursday and Friday were to be my days - then Thursday night he just had to leave because he had been informed - by Suzanne - that Ahmed was ready to apologize - Aymn has not spoken to the kid in over two weeks - since the time I went to Mahmoudea with Suzanne - so he had to go running home - needless to say I was not happy - not that it matters he still goes no matter how I feel - makes me very angry - but he does not seem to care. He showed up again Friday afternoon - and found out that Ahmed had not been ready to apologize - and Aymn just managed to get into it with Amel - so what a waste as far as I was concerned. Going to start insisting that when he takes off like that that he cannot come back until it is scheduled to be my day again - as I am tired of not being able to plan anything. And I am the kind of person who needs to have a schedule and stick to it - I do not do well with this changing of plans at the last minute. So need to get him to understand that when he changes his plans then he cannot change mine again - if he takes off to his family - then he can stay with them until it is my scheduled time again. So needless to say things are still rocky. Talked with him on Saturday - and he is still playing the same song and dance - Amel has been hurt so .... After all what would I do if I were in her position - and my response was - I was not really sure - but I am pretty sure I would have decided to either make the best of it and stick it out and be as pleasant and happy as I could be or ask him to divorce me - no way can I see myself being so miserable and making everyone around me miserable - I just do not have that in me. He brought up the fact that I have told him that if he goes for #3 I am outta here - and I said - yes because you do not have the money to support me - let alone another one and there is also the matter of the time - he does not have enough time for his two families let alone a third - but of course he does not 'get' it.

Weather here has been very warm and of course humid. I am having trouble keeping up with the housework - of course having Ridda in to paint does not make me any more eager to clean up - what is with the workers here - they make no effort to work clean and then there is no way they are going to clean up after themselves - so after a year of working at getting the paint off the floor - I know have paint all over the place again - ARGH. And the real piss off was that he brought his two boys and they helped themselves to chocolate bars that I had in the fridge and my candy jar got really hit - just ticked me off something fierce - and they wore the ship ships (sandals) that I had bought for indoors outside on the balcony - so I had to clean them off - and of course there is paint and stuff all over them now.

The garden is looking better with more consistent care - Aymn actually got busy and worked at stopping up the leaks in the walls - but there are a few places that still need work. He even got busy and stopped up the holes that the rats were using to get under the garden. We had an envoy of irate neighbours over - we were eating lunch - and they dragged him out to the roof - and insisted that we get rid of the garden because it is the cause of the rats - so he stopped up the holes and got the bowab to clean up the mess that he had left behind - not sure if there are still rats - as I do not sit around at night outside waiting to see them around - but I refuse to get rid of my garden - although there are days I wonder - but for the most part I do enjoy having it - plus it is my contribution to helping keep the air clean.

I think that is the news for the moment. I will now endeavour to add some pictures. Well after 2 attempts I give up - will work on pictures later today or tomorrow.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Just a really quick post to let everyone know that I am all right. Had been without a computer for over a week - finally got it back from the doctor's and all is well. The virus that had messed up Yahoo Messenger has been eradicated - YAY. I am hoping to have some time in the next day or so to actually fill you in on my activities over the last 2 weeks or so. Needless to say I have been kept quite busy - not so busy that I have not gotten into my fair share of mischief. But right now my bed beckons me - these early mornings lead to early nights - so TTFN. Will do a better job soon - in shaa allah.